Thursday, June 9, 2011

NOT FEELING like BEING PREGO


26 WEEKS

So, I want to know, is there any one out there that was depressed while prego?

CAUTION: RANT AHEAD

I'm not feeling this whole pregnancy thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about my life, husband and future baby. I'm just... sad. I can't explain it. I don't feel like ME anymore. I think I might be depressed.

AND THAT MAKES ME FEEL HORRIBLY GUILTY.

I tried explaining it to my husband last night, and he completely didn't understand. And actually made me feel worse. (Which lead to me insanely crying. Poor Michael, he didn't know what happened haha.) Cause in his head, its only 9 months of sacrifice. I feel bad that I want it to be over. I haven't really enjoyed it at all. I don't feel special like other women do. And it makes me feel horrible when I hear/read women saying how much they loved being pregnant. I pretty much can't stand it.

I have no energy or ambition anymore. I don't want to do anything except lay around. It makes me feel bad cause my hubs will come home and ask me what did I do today. "Nothing" I don't draw or read or anything. I'm a blob.

I feel ugly and super fat. I can't stop thinking about my super tree trunk legs and my huge hips.

I have crappy skin now. Its dry and oily at the same time. wtf?

I can't remember or think anymore! My brain is vacant now.

I'm just done. I feel bad that I'm not cooing over this belly. I mean, I love it when I feel him kick, and like it when my husband kisses my belly or rubs it. But I look at the other gals that are prego right now, and they are constantly swooning over their bump. And I have to constantly work on being upbeat about it. I feel almost fake.

WHATS WRONG WITH ME?!?!

I guess I should just suck it up. Its only 9 months, and I'll be able to go back to being me. I'm just scared that if I feel like this right now, how will I feel when Quentin is actually here. And I DO WANT HIM. I sound like a whiney little wuss right now. Sorry.

15 comments:

  1. i felt this way while i was pregnant with my first son. i had just lost 65 pounds the summer before, and was just getting used to my new, thin body when i found out i was **surprise** pregnant! my husband and i never wanted children to begin with, so i was upset from the get go. and then i kept adding on all the pounds that i had lost, and i just felt fat and ugly all the time. my husband is about half an inch shorter than me, so i felt like a gorilla whenever i stood next to him.

    and like you mentioned, i felt foggy all the time too. like i had taken a bunch of cold medicine or something.

    it will go away, and you will feel like yourself again. but to be perfectly honest with you, i didn't start feeling like my old self again (with both of my boys) until i stopped breastfeeding.

    hang in there, mama!

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  2. I was preggo far away from family and friends, didn't have a car and grew at twice the rate of everyone else. About halfway through my pregnancy the farthest I could go was to the end of our block and back. And that was half way. After that I was pretty much confined to our studio apartment. I cried a lot. We went out once with my husbands brother/girlfriend who came to visit. It was sightseeing and I needed to rent a wheelchair because I would get contractions from walking too much. My hubby acted annoyed and embarrassed at having to push me around. At one point on the trip I got up and went out on my own and just balled. Harder than I'd cried in a long time. My hubs never felt my belly, not ONCE kissed or rubbed it lovingly. He didn't even want to feel the boys kick. I felt completely alone. 

    HOWEVER....what helped was I forced myself to get some fresh air every day. Get outside, even if you're just sitting outside. Force yourself to do it. Your mood will improve. Everyone always says "it will get better" but I know that in the moment you don't really want to think about how some day it will be better. So for now, focus on the present. Chances are your hubs has no idea what to be thinking and like my hubs, he didn't really get into the whole being a dad until after the boys were born. 

    On a side note-you look great. Seriously. You look really good. 

    You can always email me if you want to chat! I've been through a similar situation :) mamamandolin@gmail.com 

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  3. I felt really depressed around 27 or so weeks.  For awhile.  I hated what pregnancy was doing to my body, my husband wasn't one of those husbands who thought his pregnant wife was beautiful, things were stressed at home preparing for our new life change, etc.  I feel yah.  Do something nice for yourself that has nothing to do with being pregnant or having a baby.

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  4. Girl, don't even worry. Obviously I'm a first timer, but I really don't think it's a big deal. I've seen LOTS of women talk about how they don't/didn't like pregnancy. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, but I'm certainly not glowing. Ha. I'm the same as you, in that I pretty much do nothing ALL DAY LONG. It's boring. I'm lazy. I don't think there's anything wrong with not enjoying it. It's like...a means to an end. And it has nothing to do with whether or not you will love your baby, and I'm sure you won't feel like this about Quentin. It's just completely different! And way more cool. Don't worry or stress. : )

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  5. I went through this exact thing during my pregnancy. I was depressed from the very beginning and it continued through the whole thing. I too had lost alot of weight right before my pregnancy only to watch it pile right back on. And my always perfect skin became riddle with acne. I can't really tell you how to fix it but if your little one comes and you still just dont feel right get help ASAP cause I didn't and became overtaken by ppd. Now I know everyone is not the same but it never hurts to share your story. And I wish I had known how common depression is with new mothers. Good luck and I'm sorry your going through that.

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  6. I can not part with any wisdom at all as I'm totally not pregnant, but, I send you so much love!  
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    ^all that and more!  You are such an easy girl to get all happy with and you are so honest, it's alright if you don't like something that another person does, I suppose it means that you are saving all your love and excitement for when Baby Q comes!  You've had so much (it seems) to go through very recently, you are allowed to have a hicup or 5 :)

    P.S lime green glasses sound tasty xx

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  7. P.S  all these girls have given such great advice and reading all this will help my own worries when the time comes.  
    Don't you just love the blogging world, it's full of thoughtful people and support. :)

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  8. It is SOOOO refreshing to read this post.  I think you're in the same boat as 80% of the rest of the preggers world.  People have their ups and downs and some are waayyyyy up all the time, while some are not so much.  That's perfectly fine.  I witnessed my mom pregnant twice (once when I was 14 and again when I was 16).  After witnessing the hell that was pregnancy, I decided not to have kids from the age of 14-21.  Seeing how miserable of an experience it was turned me off having kids for SEVEN YEARS.  It's hard! You're sacrificing your body, your life, everything.  And when the baby comes, it'll be wonderful but there will be crying and more sacrifice.  I hope this isn't a downer, I was just trying to say DO NOT feel guilty.  You're just being honest and showing a side many other people feel but don't share for whatever reason.  I wish I could say something to make it better.....

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  9. awww.  don't worry pal!  i think it's totally normal to feel depressed and i think that once your baby is here that you'll probably feel great again since you'll be able to go back to your rockin pre-baby body and you'll have a sweet little baby to cuddle and love as a bonus!  hang in there! 

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  10. Don't worry!  That is how I felt during my pregnancy.  I can't tell you if you are depressed or not, but I can tell you that I have been on anti-depressants for years now.  The only time I wasn't on them was during my pregnancy... even though thy were safe... I just wanted to go medicine free, blah, blah... I'm not sure if the way I felt was because of depression or just because I was tired and not getting the exercise and good nutrition I needed.  Sometimes I feel like getting up and moving is enough to make you think your way into feeling out of a funk, so to say.  Easier said than done, I know.  I sat on the sofa and watched every season of every Law and Order while pregnant... also while eating ice cream and french fries.  Oh, and I gained 65 pounds that were a bitch to lose.  I totally know where you are with feeling that way though!

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  11. im so sorry you are feeling like this sam! :( i think its awesome that you are putting your TRUE feelings out there though, rather then holding it in. thats a really great relief in itself! this shiz aint easy! i mean, we grow humans. in.our.bellies. everything they need depends on us. i wonder if you check out the hospital you are giving birth or maybe a local gym or ymca. maybe they have some sort of mommy-to-be groups or some prenatal yoga classes or something like that you could go to and be around other pregnant women who are more than likely in your shoes right now too! someone already commented getting outside once a day helped them and i agree with that! and if you are feeling overwhelmed with anything just try to step back and approach one little piece at a time. hang in there mama! :)

    oh also, i was going to email you but im already here now soooo...a couple more things about the natural birth stuff. although i didnt use them, ive heard great things about the hypnobabies method and the husband coached bradley method. and make sure your doctor and hospital are natural birth friendly! and dont feel bad or like you cant switch to another hospital in the area or doctor or midwife this late in the game if you're not comfortable! people do it all the time! and seriously email me with ANY questions!! 

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  12. Hey, I totally get it. I had my moments where I felt fat and just ugly. One thing that helped boost my spirits was walking. I would go for an hour walk everyday. This was a total life saver near the end and really made me feel better about myself. It was a good chance for hubby and I to talk too! I also invested in some nice maternity clothes. I found when I looked better I felt better. I loves those pants with the huge band at the top they made my belly feel more supported.

    Having a baby is hard and honestly when he gets here that is hard too but it's wonderful and such an adventure. I didn't really like having a newborn but now I miss those early days! just try to enjoy it cause before you know it it will be over and you will be longing to do it all over again :)

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  13. Bevin @ allisbright.comJune 10, 2011 at 1:26 PM

    I would say this is completely normal, because it happened to me too, but I am not exactly 100% normal so... I will just say that I know exactly how you feel. I got it especially bad after the babies were here. It went away within a couple of weeks though. Your doctor might be able to help you out. Mine had a lot of natural remedies for helping with depression. 

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  14. Sam, I can't even explain how much I empathize with you. I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY. Recently I've had family over and went home to see more family and friends so i've been distracted but I still feel that stupid blah feeling. I'm pretty sure my husband's convinced i hate him, not because i'm mean just because i have absolutely no desire to do anything and i'm not as happy and upbeat as I used to be. I, for me, think a lot of it comes from the fact that I wasn't planning on being a mom for oh i don't know 6 more years...the "surprise you're preggo" factor has made it hard on me and like you i feel guilty all the time. Yes, we will obviously be rockin mamas and love our babies but right now i'm sorry i'm pissed that I haven't been able to scuba dive in 7 months and my husband goes on about 4 dives a weekend. There are so many things we can't do for 9 months i mean seriously its insane...and boys say it's "just 9 months" but its a LONG 9 months that we weren't planning on giving up quite yet (wow yea sorry i'm venting right back at you). And i feel you with the weight...I lost a crap load of weight before zach got back from iraq and i've put ALL of it back on...damn bitchnasty universe... Anywho...I hope you find something that helps you snap out of blah and into "you" for at least a little part of your day...Oh, and about those super glowy preggo ladies...i feel you lol... I stopped going to prenatal yoga because they were just so into it and i was forcing myself to smile...just know that you're not alone lady! and also, thank you for being honest and posting this because for a while i thought i was the only one who felt this way <3

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  15. I so feel ya. For my first pregnancy, I enjoyed it A LOT more. This pregnancy, I'm a super hormonal mess and I have absolutely no motivation or energy. I too am stoked for this baby, but I've never been such a tyrant before!!! It's super hard keeping up with my toddler when all I wanna do is sleep lol.

    You're not a bad person!!! Hormones just suck balls. So do pregnancy body changes.

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